Definitely, Maybe... A Journey in TTC

Want to keep reading....

2009-07-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

I have moved the blog, so leave your email in a comment and I will give you access to the new family blog.

Thanks!

Moving...

2009-04-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

Many of you who have been reading this (or "following") know that I am not posting as much... well... posting anything! LOL!!

There are some various reasons;

1. New mom paranoia (I know I'm not a mom yet, but still). I am getting scared of having too much information available to God only knows who on the internet.

2. Just don't have that much to say... nothing new, or exciting.

3. Busy with the semester ending

4. This was my TTC/TTTC blog... and now that I'm pregnant... it doesn't feel 'right' anymore... like I have nothing to say (again)

5. Various comments left on the blog... have... well... left a sour taste in my mouth for allowing people I don't know, or don't know well commenting on my life and my feelings.

With all of that said, I will me moving my blog!! I will set up a new private blog that will be available for baby and family related things. I want to post personal information and baby photos for everyone to see, but only with my permission : )

(Nesties- I will need your email address to grant you permission to view the blog, but don't worry! I will post a thread when it gets going!)

Updates...

2009-03-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

I KNOW that I have been slacking in the Blogging department... sorry!

Part of it was being busy (it's now spring break) and the other part was just not wanting to post.

Here is the picture for 21-24 weeks

Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

We met with the specalist the other day and he says that the baby is RIGHT ON TRACK!! He said that I have a 90% chance of everything turning out OK at this point!!

We still don't know the gender, and don't want to find out.

I won tickets to The Ellen Show, for her Mother's Day celebration!! WOOT!!!

I'm feeling bigger and bigger (sorry, no belly shots yet) and have been nesting like crazy!!! (the maternal, around-the-house nesting, not on thenest.com)

The baby's room is empty, and waiting for daddy to paint! Crib will be here in 6 weeks. I sewed the crib bedding and a few birp cloths and a blanket.

I'm about to start making the shower invitations : )

I'm keeping busy!!

Goldfish...

2009-02-24T13:46:00.000-08:00

This is what I have in my belly... it's quite odd.

I have heard that you feel "flutters" or "gas-like" feelings, but not painfull... I hear you can feel "tapps" or muscle twitches... I haven't felt anything like that.

I feel goldfish swimming.

20 weeks...

2009-02-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, speaking of the diaper situation... baby's genitals are now fully formed!

19 weeks...

2009-02-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

Vernix caseosa, a greasy white substance made of lanugo, oil and dead skin cells (yum) now coats baby's skin, shielding it from the amniotic fluid. (Picture yourself after a nine-month bath, and the need for protection makes sense.) You might actually get to see the vernix at birth, especially if baby is premature.

18 weeks...

2009-02-09T19:34:00.001-08:00

Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon.

Worry...

2009-02-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

WOW.... you just can't understand how much that you are going to worry through this TTC, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood process!!

It seriously starts the minute that second line pops up!

I got ANOTHER bad blood test on my 2nd trimester screening and have to go in for a level 2 u/s to check and make sure that the baby doesn't have a birth defect.BLEL!!

In addition to that a good friend of mine on the boards had an urgent OB appointment because they didn't like what they saw on the u/s (about 8 weeks) and are worried about the HB. I COULD REACH THROUGH THE COMPUTER AND SMACK THAT GUY!!!! From what I can tell he didn't put a positive spin on any of it, like; "We will take your blood, and make sure that everything is still going good, come in if you feel funny over the weekend, and we will see you next week!" : )

NOOOOOOOO!!!! It was all; "Your beta has to double by early next week and you may have a miscarriage over the weekend"~! YOU FUCKING ASSHAT!!!!

Don't you know that worrying a pregnant lady (and me too!!) isn't good?!?!?!

On a positive note~ Reasons that I feel that this little baby (and it's momma, will be just fine)

- Saw a HB (always a good sign)
- 8 weeks (nice milestone)
- My doctors (RE, OB, NP) didn't tell me my baby's HB till last week (16weeks)
- Many DRs like to be overly cautious and set you up for the WORST, so you will be ready and more importantly- not sue them!

So please send good thoughts!!

17 weeks...

2009-02-02T13:05:00.000-08:00

Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. The umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes are now topped by one-of-a-kind prints.

Pictures...

2009-01-31T21:19:00.000-08:00

I have been slacking on these!!! SORRY~! One of them is a profile of the baby looking up and to the left, and the other is a full-body shot!

More dreams...

2009-01-30T15:05:00.000-08:00

I had one the other night where I was having trouble breastfeeding and my baby had a VERY cartoonish mouth and movement, including the mouth of a somewhat "Hungry, Hungry Hippo" effect.... OH GOD!!! I jumped when the baby latched on, in the ways that those stupid hippos do in the game.

I had a dream where I "woke up" from a nap, or surgery or something and my "baby" was 15 months old!!!! That's not the problem.... it was my SECOND child that was 15 months... this baby that I'm pregnant with now was almost three!!! OMG!!! I actually cried, because I felt that I had missed such an important part of my baby's life.

I had one last night, after talking with my NP about contractions that I'm having and learning the L&D process at my hospital. I was told that I won't get to have MY OB, but whoever is on call... bummer.... I think that I will talk to my OB about a scheduled C-section for my various reasons, and that inspired my dream.

In the dream last night, I was sleeping, at like 4am and I was, I guess asleep during it, then I woke up and delivered my baby (a boy this time) and the problem was, the "baby" was normal size and looked just a little small... a miracle because I delivered him at like 20 some weeks! But the kid was an infant size, but was really a 5 year old! It talked and everything!

16 weeks...

2009-01-26T13:21:00.001-08:00

Watch what you say... tiny bones forming in baby's ears mean the little one can now pick up your voice. Eyebrows, lashes and hair are starting to fill in, and taste buds are forming. And, if you're interested, an ultrasound might be able to determine gender.

Randoms...

2009-01-21T22:24:00.000-08:00

Today was a weird day, but I loved it.

I woke up early to get to my ON appointment and the sky was covered with dark clouds (almost about to rain) and it made me think about the weather.... I LOVE when the weather changes!!! I love it when you come out of Winter and into Spring, and then into Summer!! LOVE it!!

Talked to my OB about the PAPP-A problem and told him that DH was a full term 4lb baby and I was a pre-term 5 lb baby and he talked about the additional monitoring (more u/s and non-stress tests) and talked about knowing the signs of pre-term labor and hypertension.

Met a friend at my house and we went to lunch and the mall and on other errands had lots of fun!!! We set her up on an online dating site, and that was fun too!!)

I'm feeling a lot of pressure in my abdomen (like the uterus is growing and pushing everything in there) and some cramps, a little morning sickness but nothing like before. So far, so well!

Dreams...

2009-01-19T15:18:00.000-08:00

I swear that since I got pregnant that I have had the WORST dreams!!!

- The world came to an end, through a flood

- I started lactating at 5 months pregnant and was pumping BLOOD

- I was sent back to work with my terrible 2nd graders when I was 9 months pregnant

- Because of the economy (and 2 pregnancies within 2 months of mine) that we won't get anything, or anything comparable to what we have given at baby showers and our kid was sleeping in our bed till 5!!

- I was 9 months pregnant and was dating some guy (he was hot) who already had two kids (I hate dreams where you wake up feeling like a cheater! LOL!!)

- The US tech ruined our surprise baby by telling me it was a GIRL (foretelling?!?!)

BLEH!!!! DH doesn't seem able to sleep very well either!!! I keep tossing and turning all night and I'm sure I'm keeping him up.

15 weeks...

2009-01-19T14:29:00.000-08:00

Continuing the march towards normal proportions, baby's legs now outmeasure the arms. And, finally, all four limbs have functional joints. Your fetus is squirming and wiggling like crazy down in the womb, though you probably still can't feel the movements.

Cousins...

2009-01-18T21:21:00.000-08:00

are great!

14 weeks...

2009-01-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth.

Dr. Called...

2009-01-09T19:57:00.000-08:00

The hormone that I'm missing is called Pregnancy-Associated Plasma Protien A (PAPP-A) and while I now understand why the DR said not to worry about anything, because it doesn't mean that something WILL happen, but that I am at a higher risk.

I know that all moms try to convince themselves that "that will never happen to me" but it MUST happen to SOMEONE!!! Otherwise, there would be no studies done to show the risks involved!

My Downs Syndrome risk cam back as 1:1000 and they say that they like to see better than 1:220.

My Trisomy 18 risk was 1:2706 and anything better than 1:100 is good.

BUT.... according to my age I should have a 1:750 risk for Downs.... I thought that at 25 there wasn't a big risk... maybe they put 35 in instead???

Either way, I'm still very nervous but am becoming more aware of what this means for me; Pregnancy induced hypertension, slow fetal growth, fetal demise, pre-term labor, and the need for a c-section.

From the best that I can tell, I have some control over a few of these things; by knowing the warning signs of hypertension and pre-term labor, and not pushing my OB for a natural delivery if a C-section is better for my baby.

I guess I'm a mom already ; )

NT Scan...

2009-01-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

I had my NT scan today and everything looks good as far as my risk for Downs Syndrome.

Other than that... I am waiting to hear from the specialist, to tell me more of what he already told me, which wasn't that great as far as my risk for the baby not growing, blood pressure problems, and still birth.

I'm apparently missing a hormone that is causing this all, and may have been the reason we weren't getting pregnant (and the fertility drugs helped).

Now I'm sitting on edge, trying to not worry, but I need to hear this information again so my brain can process it all.

UGH...

13 weeks...

2009-01-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)

Higher risk...

2009-01-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

So... got a call from my OB this morning and he wanted me to come in today... that's enough to scare you.

I needed another U/S to check and make sure that everything is still fine with the baby (it is!!)

But, my Dr called me a "High Risk" patient because of the bleeding... I don't think of myself that way, but appatently HE does! SIL had the same thing happen to her, and it only happened once, and everyone was fine, and there wasn't a mention of "high risk"

I'm going to think about SILs pregnancy and remember that infertility doesn't mean a high risk pregnancy, because I just want to be happy and pregnant (hint, hint...morning sickness... GO AWAY!!)

Besides... I have enough to worry about, with DH going all "conspiracy theory" on me after the President of Russia says that the US has only 6-12 months left to exist. I actually had that "psycho pregnant chick" emerge... and she SHUT HIM RIGHT UP!

::smacks DH!:: Don't scare the pregnant lady! DUH!

Risk...

2008-12-31T00:10:00.000-08:00

There are things in life that carry a certain ammount of risk; skydiving, IV drugs, not wearing a seatbelt... I didn't think that pregnancy was as risky as I'm now being told!

Apparently, even with my age(25), my baby has a high enough risk for Trisomy 18&21(Downs)- even after NO family history of ANY chromosonal abnormalities. My OB is having me come in for a NT scan (something I had put out of my mind, after my genetic counseling).

While I'm excited to have another u/s to see the baby, I ALREADY had one scheduled for that morning because of the bleeding from a week ago, so now I have two... fun.

12 weeks...

2008-12-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed.

11 weeks...

2008-12-22T21:39:00.000-08:00

Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future.

Bleeding...

2008-12-21T21:56:00.000-08:00

and it was a lot!

I went to the bathroom and didn't notice anything in my pants, but when I wiped, there it was. A LOT of bright red blood!

OH GOD!!!

I called DH from down stairs and he came running up, called the nurse (THAT was a waste!!)

We went to the urgent care, after DH drove like 90mph and the got us in a room after I "donated urine"

That was another scary part.... I went to the bathroom again, and there was blood clots on the paper and in the toilet.

The physician's assistant did a pelvic and noticed that the bleeding ahd stooped and that there was just a small amount of brown discharge. They called the OB that was on-call and she came down.

The u/s showed a VERY active baby! Flipping around and moving it's arms and legs wildly!

::huge sigh of relief:: DH and I got to see that, the HB, then hear the HB- it was great!!

The OB says that we can't have sex for two weeks (and even before that DH said that if everything was fine with the baby, that we wouldn't have sex at all) in addition to no sex, she said that I shouldn't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk, and to drink lots of water and everything should be fine!

Oh, thank God!

Bleh...

2008-12-18T15:26:00.000-08:00

Well... here is something other than a picture- I don't feel much like blogging lately, just feel sick.

Got a letter from my OB stating that because of my severe M/S that he ran my blood for a few things and that all the vomiting damaged my liver, but that with the help of the Zofran, it will stop when the puking does.

The other day I was playing the PS3 with DH and I knew that all the motions would make me sick, but it was real bad when I tried to play. Goodbye dinner!

The OB also said that I have something in my stomach that is found in women with severe M/S, but that it's not the cause of the M/S, just a correlation. I need to take meds to get rid of, whatever it is, but can't because I'm pregnant. So after delivery I need to have an endoscope/biopsy of my stomach. FUN!.

DH said to me today that he noticed all the weight I lost before the Zofran, and that it's good that it's slowing down (more for his baby, and less for his wife's waistline! LOL!!!) I have another appt on Tuesday and we will see how much more has come off.

I'm scared to loose too much weight (I'm not a skinny bitch or anything) but I don't want to have to admit how little I can eat, to my OB. I'm sure that he will yell at me, and I know that the baby needs good nutrition, but I just can't stomach many things these days. BLEH!

I asked the OB about how long you should go w/o a poop, and if I was having a NT scan, but they never called me back. Oh well... I guess I will find out on Tuesday.

10 weeks...

2008-12-15T15:25:00.001-08:00

With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)

9 weeks...

2008-12-09T14:53:00.001-08:00

Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like... well... a baby!

Yeah... it's a day late... but oh well!! It's here!

MULITPLE BLES8INGS...

2008-12-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

Written by the Gosselins from John and Kate +8.

I picked it up yesterday and am loving it so far!!! There were these two passages in particular that got my attention.

The first one was after they had done their IUI to get pregnant with the twins;

"I did my test, and then, still groggy plopped back into my warm bed. It was extremely unusual that I did not camp out in that small, cold bathroom, hovering and pacing, waiting as the minutes ticked by until, as so many times before, I would read the dreaded results.

I couldn't believe my eyes! Could it really be pink? I thought that maybe the glare of the florescent lighting was playing tricks on me, so I took the test over to the early morning natural light by the bathroom window. It still looked pink!

Not knowing whether to scream, cry, or pinch myself in case I was dreaming, I ran over and shook John. 'John, John! Wake up! Does this look pink to you?' I'm pretty sure a normal mad shaken awake by his dear sweet wife who was shoving a urine-christened plastic stick under his nose at 5:30 in the morning and demanding a color analysis would probable have a few choice words to say. Not John. He jumped out of bed and threw on the closest light for a closer examination of the now holy stick."

That all makes me think about mine and DH's experience with our 1st BFP.

The next part of the book that struck me, was during Kate's first trimester when her "morning sickness" started(particularly because I had already said these words to DH a week ago)

"While I would love to say I tackled this test with the fierceness of a prize boxer in his championship bout, unfortunately that just wasn't the case. I felt that I had paid my dues already in the effort to get pregnant. Did I need to suffer again? This wasn't fair. I didn't want to have to suffer this debilitating nausea that consumed my every waking moment.

I quickly spiraled into a complaining and whining kid, calling my mother every single day to whimper and cry. Eventually, it became necessary for the doctor to prescribe Zofran, which is given to treat severe cases of morning sickness".

8 weeks...

2008-12-01T18:59:00.001-08:00

Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

I had my 1st OB appointment today!!! It was good!!! The DR is so nice!!! He gave me some Zofran for the morning sickness (and offered me an IV with fluids and meds) he also told me that if it gets any worse to go straight to the ER.

He tested my Progesterone level, because I'm on the suppositories. My level was twice what it once was (39/65) turns out that 200 mg 2X a day is too much at this point, so I am taking it only once a day (and at night to help the nausea).

He seems to think that after two weeks, when I stop the progesterone, the morning sickness will go away somewhat, then taper off till 13 weeks.

I have my RN prenatal intake appointment on 12/23 where they input all my family history and everything, then they will schedule my next appt.

I have a picture of the little monkey in there!!! I will try to get my scanner to work so I can put it on here!!! DH and I think it looks like a unicorn!! LOL!!! We could see the placenta and the umbilical cord, but the baby wasn't in a great position to see too well : (

The OB was a little weird when I said I was an IF patient... he was like "Oh!... How many are in there?!?!?!" and when I said just one, he said "well... you dodged a bullet!!"

I don't think of it that way... I had a good and ethical RE and had like 6 ultrasounds to make sure that I didn't overstim... I guess that the "you take IF meds and you get multiples" thought is really tough to escape.

Relief...

2008-11-26T01:53:00.000-08:00

These are some of the things that ease the morning sickness and headaches... in addition to the Preggie Pops and the Sea Band.

Honestly...

2008-11-26T01:23:00.000-08:00

So far... I HATE feeling like shit, instead of feeling happy/pregnant!!!!

I KNOW that we tired really hard for this... but I am having a very hard time sharing my body with a blueberry that insists on causing my uterus to cramp, and make me want to VOMIT all over myself... all the time.

I KNOW that once all the 1st tri side-effects wear off and I actually feel pregnant (and everyone knows that I am) I will LOVE being pregnant... and then the 3rd tri comes along with all it's jewels(but you feel pregnant).

But... right now... the side effects are KILLING me!!!

Side effects to date;
Headache
Morning Sickness
Cramping
Gas
Bloating
Constipation
Food aversions
No sex drive (at all)

7 weeks...

2008-11-24T21:21:00.000-08:00

Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

Heartbeat...

2008-11-22T14:34:00.001-08:00

We saw it!!!

It looked like a teeny blob with a flicker!!! COOL!!!

(Will post picture later)

6 weeks...

2008-11-17T21:34:00.000-08:00

Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Gestational Sac...

2008-11-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

We saw it! Right in the uterus like it should be and there was only one!

They said that next week we will see the heart beat and that has me completely terrified! What if it isn't there?!?!

Dh and I already talked about not freaking out over it, but still.

So for now, I'm still carrying one perfectly healthy baby!!!

5 weeks, 5 days pregnant.

He's gone...

2008-11-14T20:10:00.000-08:00

My grandpa passed away at 1am last night.

I wish him a speedy trip to heaven, and hope that he finds comfort there.

On a more selfish note, I am hoping that with his passing, that tomorrows appointment brings us good news.

::Jedie... if you can hear me up there.... please put in a good word for me and the baby... and say 'hi' to Nannie for me too! Love you!::

Almost time...

2008-11-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

To say "goodbye"

Back in July I posted that my grandpa was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, and it's almost over.

I can't believe it. This man fought in WWII, he has a tattoo on his arm that says "badass" in Serbian, he worked in the steel mines in Pennsylvania and survived TWO floods.

And he is dying.

While I'm more ready for this... my dad and sisters are not (grandpa lives with them). They haven't done the slow death thing and watched someone suffer like I have, and I wish that it wasn't this way.

My dad is taking it very hard... he doesn't cry or say anything, but I was in the garage (the man cave) and I noticed that the workbench was spotless-atypical for dad. Apparently he is staying up all night and cleaning, as a way to cope.

I just wish that I could have gotten pregnant earlier so he could have been around to see his great-grandchild. I know that I have nothing to do with it, but I wish that it could have somehow been better.

Appointments...

2008-11-11T21:48:00.000-08:00

They are all scheduled!!

1st RE u/s is Saturday 11/15 @ 5 weeks 5 days
2nd u/s 11/22 @ 6 weeks
3rd u/s 12/6 @ 8 weeks

Then, in between I have my 1st OB appointment on 12/1

5 weeks, 1 day pregnant.

PLEASE, PLEASE baby grow and be healthy!!!!

Beta #3...

2008-11-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

582.8

So it went up 80%!!! While I'm not as excited as I would have been if it had more than doubled... it's still a good number! I keep forgetting that it doubles between 48-72 hrs

#1-147

#2-323.5 120% gain and 46 hr double time

#3-582.8 80% gain and 56 hr double time

Overall 200% gain.

Over the last 5 days I had the expected results, but wish that the 3rd beta would have at least come in at a 100% increase. Oh well! I'm thankful that it went up so high!! But still a little worried : /

I will have my first u/s later in the week.

Beta #2...

2008-11-08T19:02:00.000-08:00

323.5!!!

It more than doubled!! YEAH!!!!

Now I need to have #3 done tomorrow and we are hoping for around 650!!!!

If things keep going as planned ::please, please, please:: I should be able to get an u/s late next week!!! WHOOOO!!!

4weeks 5 days

Beta #1...

2008-11-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

147 @ 15DPIUI

FINALLY!!!

That took FOREVER!!!!! They said that it was a good number and to come in and have the blood drawn again tomorrow (Friday)

4wks 4 days KU!

Waiting...

2008-11-05T17:59:00.000-08:00

I am still waiting for it.... They said it should be ready by 7pm.... well it should be! They did the draw at 7 am! UGH!!

I also need to STEEP AWAY FROM THE HPTs!!!! I keep taking them and FREAKING out when the test line takes like 3 minutes to get dark. I was reading on another girl's blog about how her last test line came up fast and dark, even before the control... and that has me so nervous!

My line is almost not there when I pee. It gives a hint of a shadow in the 1st minute, and then by the 3rd minute is there (but not darker than the control)

I just need my blood tests... just give me a number! I want to visualize it doubling and the baby being healthy~!

::patience...patience::

Knocked Up...

2008-11-04T11:01:00.001-08:00

This was taken this morning at 14DPIUI. I can't call the RE yet because they say that you HAVE to wait till 16 before they will do a beta.

So on Thursday I will be calling them in the AM!!! And unill then... peeing on all the sticks I can find!

STICK MONKEY! STICK MONKEY!!!

We are cautiously optimistic about this!!! If you know me in real life and read this blog, please don't tell anyone about this! I have tried so hard and waited to do the honors myself! THANKS!!

You're Fired...

2008-11-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

Well.. I was... on Friday.

Can't really tell you why... because I don't actually know/understand.

All I know is that the last 13 weeks working with these 2nd graders was a total waste and I have to find another student teaching position and start all over.

I may have to pay the university again, and wait till January to begin... again.

I'm so embarrassed, and upset.

BUT!.... If I get a BFP soon... all will be forgotten!

Progesterone...

2008-10-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

Well... leave it to my DH (GOD! I love him!!) to ask;

"Well, can't you call the RE and get the progesterone NOW instead of waiting till next treatment cycle?"

I guess so!

I called and go the prescription and have started using them-YUCK!

But, hey... if it works... I'll do it!

I have regained some hope for this cycle now that I'm on the suppositories! 16DPIUI... here I come!!!

Loosing hope...

2008-10-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

About this cycle that is. The flu was that 24hr one that went around and I feel better now.

But I got my progesterone results (7DPIUI) and it was 6..... fucking 6!!!

Last cycle it was at 24, what happened?

I have no hope for this cycle working (again) and it looks like the next time we do a treatment cycle I will need to be on vaginal suppositories. Sexy.

Frecking kids...

2008-10-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

Got me sick!!!

I woke up this morning with the flu! UGH!!!

Nausea and stomach aches.... fun!

I opened my big fat mouth too soon saying that I missed them!

Work...

2008-10-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

I went back to work today after having a month off... I couldn't believe how much I missed my kids!!!!

Even though they are the biggest handful EVER... I was so excited to see them!!!

I'm tired as hell, and still need to work out, shower and lesson plan, but it feels good to be back at work (and getting paid!!)

The only thing that worries me is, right now (and forever when I have a job) DH and I will be on completely opposite work schedules. I'm worried that the months that we take off from treatment (if this cycle doesn't work) we will have no chance at getting pregnant... unless I O on the weekend.

SHE'S PREGNANT?!?!?!?!?

2008-10-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

So... We know this couple... the first time we met them was about a year ago at a party, where he got drunk and she threw her wedding ring in a parking lot (and never found it!). Then they got into it again at another party we were both at. They are close with another couple we know, so we hear about their crazy lives (I love hearing, insetad of living it)

So... we hear about their lives second hand through the other couple... but if I have everything straight... in their relationship exists; jealousy, instability, substance abuse, one kid from a previous marriage, and one together, a roomate to help pay the rent, a mother to buy them their groceries, a govermnent to provide assistance, and general stupidity.

And she announces that they are having another baby.

Not.Fair.Period.

Better...

2008-10-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

IUI #2 went great!!!

We had a 90% Motility and 17 million!!!!

WHOOT WHOOT!!

The IUI was still a little not fun... but nothing like it was last cycle! YEAH!!!

I had some serious O pains on the left before the appointment and the rest of the day.

After the hormones, the cramping, the bloating, the O pains... I was not feeling that great. So after the IUI DH went to work and I drove home and did homework.

All is better now!!! I just have to wait........

My hopes are very high this month... possible even more than last cycle because my lining was at 10 and we had 17 million swimmers with 90% motility! Oh yeah baby!!!

Abortions...

2008-10-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

Apparently, according to many women, being on The Pill or hormonal birth control is the same as an abortion.

WTF?!?!

Because the pill thins the uterine lining to make it difficult/impossible, *if* you did manage to get a sperm up the extremely thick cervical fluid to the egg that *may* be there and they *did* meet... there would be no place for the *baby* to implant.

Uhhhh...no. But whatever... moving on.

Self doubt...

2008-10-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Right now I am seriously doubting my desire to have a baby, or be a mother at all. I think that it's weird that I would feel this way after all the TTTC we have been through(and are still going through) but I am.

Honest.

I wonder if I will be able... willing... to give up everything. I don't consider myself an overly selfish person (just the normal amount) but I am wondering if I will be able to do it.

I watched my godchildren today (boy 4, girl 1) and it got me thinking.

Am I really ready for this? Will I ever be ready for this? Is this what I really want?

Feeling hurt...

2008-10-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

I happened to click on a link in a signature on our local board and came across the "Baby Bio"

http://tinyurl.com/6gp4ul

It made me cry... I can't believe all the pregnant women there as well as all the moms. It hurts.

I should be on there! I have tried so hard and for a long time and still am not pregnant. Not to mention that most of those pregnancies were conceived while I was TTC. There is hope, because two of them are fellow TTTCers... I'm still standing here...waiting.

(Ladies if you see this- It has NOTHING to do with you or something that you did, it's just sad for me that I am still not included on either of those lists yet).

They all joke about drinking the water and catching it, I must have been immunised against pregnancy when I was a teen or something.

********UPDATE********
OMG!!!! After this blog entry there was another post on the local board, a NEW woman looking for a place to take her IRISH TWINS....UGH!!! WTF?!?!?!? Great.... so I can't seem to get pregnant to save my life an here comes another reminder that others do it so well....two in less than a year

::hand-head::

Changes...

2008-10-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

I had my pre-med U/S and there were no cysts and they changed my meds. I was taking Clomid CD3-7 and 150IUs of Repronex on CD9.

I am now taking all Repronex CD3-7 for right now. I have another appointment on Monday to check the follies (I doubt that I will be ready to trigger... so that looks like I will be coming back...AGAIN....)UGH!! That's a LONG drive at 5:30 in the morning!

I'm glad that I am off work to get these appointments... I HATE calling a sub!

Round two...

2008-10-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

So my period came %#*$!!!

I spent yesterday crying and feeling sorry for myself my friend Jack helped...(Daniels)

I had a friend over and we listened to the Wicked soundtrack and cleaned out my office(something I have been putting off... it's nice to have friends you can torture)

We were up till like 3am drinking(don't tell my RE!)

I have made my pre-med U/S on Wed @7am(UGH!) I got more suppliments and baby asprin, I'm going to take them and make sure that they are all OK to take with the other meds, and ready to get going!!

I will be starting acupuncture this cycle (don't know if I will keep it up durring our break[Nov&Dec-possibly Jan] but for this cycle I will).

"Don't wish... don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart"-Wicked

White spaces...

2008-10-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

They are good-right?

White walls.... white shirt...white canvas....

Not so cool when they are on your HPT where that 2nd line should be.

BFN.

Boo....

2008-10-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

Still crampy... now I have heartburn(from cleaning the baseboards and putting my head below my belly-but still)

I'm not a happy camper in this 2ww!

So I was reading Sweetpea's blog and read that she tested at 10DPO at night (like me right now)... so I tested. BFN.

I guess that I'm glad that it's out of my system... I won't test again till Monday morning.

%*@&!!!!!

Tough...

2008-10-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how hard these last few days have been.... I have never felt this way during a cycle... but my hope for this one is just so high~!

I just don't know if I can wait to test... and I don't know what I will do if it's negative. I'm sure I will get up and keep trying, but my heart is in this cycle more than any other.

I don't know what the Clomid and Repronex will do to my LP-it's normally 12 days. So I can't test till 13DPO because I'm sure, that it will be at least 12 days, and I know that it will be an accurate result on the FRER ( I always hate the rationalizations "it's just too early".... you know)

Stay tuned to hear more crazy ramblings, Monday morning- 3 days

Crampy...

2008-10-02T00:37:00.000-07:00

Welcome October!!!

I feel yucky!!! The day of the IUI my uterus hurt all day... and then the couple days that we actually did attempt sex... my uterus hurt-like hell!!! Nobody tells you that it will hurt!

So yesterday...I started to get crampy... towards the end of the day... and it hasn't gone away : (

While I'm not excited about the crampy... maybe this is a good sign?!?!? I NEVER get this way... but I don't know if it's from the IUI or that I may be pregnant...

I have to say... that getting a progesterone test of 24.5 today, and the cramps, and DH's grandpa, and another nestie getting a BFP today... they all have my hopes WAY up : )

I want to thank...

2008-09-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

Well.... I just don't know what to say! ::blushes::

Jaime(you may all know her as BadaBing327 or now as dolce) has awarded me the "Lights across the Web Award"

Thanks!!!

In turn I am awarding it to a few of my gals.

T.bird
Mrs. Wombat
KittyLove

Freaky...

2008-09-28T21:41:00.001-07:00

So we went to DH's grandma's yesterday for lunch (we do that a lot) and we were all sitting around the dinner table talking (picture Eddie Murphy in The Klumps... Oh... yeah... that's us) and the conversation was on something rather boring...

Grandpa turns to me and says "Sharra.... what are we talking about?"

I said "blah, blah, blah-whatever it was at the time"

He says "Oh.... well.. I thought that you were pregnant"

We all start to laugh and I say "no"-unfortunately

He says "oh... well you took all the wind out of my sails... I though you were pregnant"

Sorry grandpa, no (well.. not YET!!!!)

I just thought that it was weird... If I DO END UP PREGNANT this cycle- he called it (how Val says it)

That would be something!!! DH dismissed it saying that grandpa says all sorts of 'off-beat' things... but the timing of this is just too great!!! : )

Out of town...

2008-09-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

So... the RE's office is like 50 some miles from home and we have to take 4 freeways to get there, so when we knew that we needed to have the semen droped off by 7am that we wouldn't make it from home.

So we decided that we would get a hotel and stay the night. The Re's office is close to Disneyland so we thought about going to Downtown Disney for dinner.

We got a great hotel-The Hayatt Regency for $45!!!!http://orangecounty.hyatt.com/hyatt/hotels/index.jsp

So after comming home from work and getting ourselves and the dogs ready we left. Droped the dogs off at my Dad's on the way and headed into Orange County. Finally got there and checked in- NIIIIIIICE!!

Decided to take the free shuttle from the hotel, went downstairs and waited. It was supposed to be there in 10 minutes- either never showed or came by and didn't say the destination.... so we waited another 30 minutes. It's 8pm. AFTER we get on the buss, they say that the last pick-up was at 8:50- GREAT!!! So we had to take the round trip back to the hotel.

It's now 8:30 and we have to find somewhere to eat- STARVING!!! We saw a mexican food place around the corner... so we walk. It's expensive and up-scale, not what we were looking for. Keep walking.... decide to call Downtown Disney and see if it's not too late to get our car and drive. They close at 9:30-not enough time. Bummer.

So we continue walking and called Val to ask about places to eat. Now we are standing on the corner near our hotel thinking about where to eat. I notice there is a cop-car near by... and they are STARING at me.

I tell DH that they are, then joke "ain't gonna pull me over" because my incident last week, and... hello?!?!? we were WALKING!!!

Not one munite later- sirens and lights. YOU!

He asked us what we were doing there, wanted to know our relation, wanted to see our hotel key, and where we were from.... pulled DH away and aked him my age, then asked me- LIKE WE WERE DOING SOMETHING WRONG!!!!

Eventually let us go- I was laughing uncontrollably because it was too funny.... DH WAS GETTING PISSED!!

We finally went to dinner at Red Robbin- not what what planned, but what ever is?

Simmer down...

2008-09-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

You ladies CRACK ME UP!!!!! LOVE YA!!!!

So... we had a GREAT time out of town for the IUI, but I will tell that story in another post (too long)

We got up at 5:45 am to get DH "ready" so to speak.....(ewwww). He had to "produce" (another ewwwww) between 6-6:30 am and it had to be drooped off by 7am.

So Afterwards I jump in the car with the cup between my boobs (thak God for those babies right now). I get to the RE and drop it off. The hotel was only 3 minutes from the office, so I went back. DH got ready for work (REALLY didn't want to leave me alone... and was very lovie).

So I go back at 8:45 am and check in(which has been a problem because they can't seem to get my benefits right-UGH!) I'm nervous as hell and they are making me wait! Bleh!!!

I go into the room and take off my pants(always a pleasure) and I wait.

The midwife comes in and shows me MY husband's sperm and ask me to hold it and keep it warm. She shows me his information and asked me to sign it-looked something like this

m/ml.... Pre-Wash..... Post-Wash
VOl....... 2ml............ 0.5
Motil......75%.............78%
Count......215.7mil.......7.86mil

Don't know what any of this means.... but oh well...

She then asks me to put my feet in the stirrups and lay back. Then she wants me to scoot down.

Well.... half naked, feet in stirrups, someone looking at your privates, while holding your husband's sperm... is already hard enough... now I have to "scoot"

I was trying and said it was difficult, and the midwife was all pissy, "it's better that you hold it, than I leave it on the counter and it get cold!".....uh...ok. I was just saying that it was tough.

She said that I may feel slight cramping...UM....NO!!!! She SHOVED the catheter in and it felt like I was being STABBED with a KNIFE!!!!! Then she shoved the plunger and put the sperm in, ripped the catheter out and some sperm cam with it- LADY!!! The point of an IUI is to put the sperm INTO the uterus!!! UGH!!!

I asked her for a copy if my husband's report (I frecking SIGNED it, I WANT a copy) and she forgot, so before she left I asked for it again. She said "well, I won't make you a copy... I have other patients to see. One of the nurses will do it"- YIKES!!!!

I didn't care WHO did it, I just wanted it done!

The remainder of the day SUCKED!!! I was bloated from the IUI and crampy... my ovaries were about to BURST and when they did that hurt as well! UGH!!

I am still eating baby spinach to thicken up the lining and pineapple to help with implantation, I refuse to give up! My gag reflex on the other hand... I wish it would quit.

Low down...

2008-09-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

So.... I know that all of you have been wondering (all three of you- LOL) So I am going to post an update with everything... but not till I talk to Val first!! ; )

I'm tired of posting things on the Blog and having her get the information there ; /

SOOOOO.... after I talk to Val (my SIL BTW) I will update everyone- I PROMISE!

Going for it...

2008-09-21T17:20:00.000-07:00

I got the email saying that we are proceeding with the IUI on Tuesday morning. I trigger tonight at 9:30.

I am going to do everything that I can to make sure that my lining thickens, taking everything and eating everything I can- Let's hope this works!

If by Tuesday morning they say that it's still not thick enough I am going to bold-face ask if this counts as a "treatment cycle" because I KNOW that next cycle will be the same treatment and what happens, if this happens again?!

I REFUSE to get run over and let the RE make ALL the decisions! This is my body and you work for me! WE need to do the best thing and come to an understanding. So THERE! Neiner, neiner, neiner! :: Blows a raspberry and sticks out tongue::

Work it...

2008-09-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

So the appt showed that my right ovary is a type "a" personality it had a TON of follies!!!! There were 3 that were big enough to measure- 1 was "extra large" 1 "large" and one "small" so it looks like we will have at least one and maybe two eggs on that ovary.

The left ovary.... seems to be a type "c" personality- NO EGGS-NONE! : ( Bummer!!!
I was not ready for that! Oh well... at least there is a good response on the other side.

My lining- 5.8....not good. The RE says that it HAS TO BE over 6 to get pregnant and that they want to see no thinner than 8.5.... looks like that sucks for me.

They think I will trigger tonight and have our IUI on Tuesday morning- I hope that my lining can thicken up by then! I am eating baby spinach and looking for any other options that will help.

I'm going to ask about this cycle counting towards our 6 treatment cycles because the lining is not good- I guess Tuesday morning will tell.

::think lining dust::

Crying...

2008-09-20T19:10:00.001-07:00

For no "real" reason... I'm sure the meds are getting to me... but the tears just keep comming.

I wonder if I will be this emotional when I get pregnant?

Owww!!!

2008-09-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

I took my first IM shot last night. As soon as DH got home we got everything together to do it.

I cried... I didn't want to take the shot... it wasn't the needle... it was the fact that I HAVE TO take it and the DH HAS to give it.

If I had gone into an office I would have felt better... but here at home in my kitchen... it was too much and I cried.

It hurt... not gonna lie. The needle didn't hurt as much, but the meds going in DID!! Now this morning my arm is KILLING ME!

I just hope that at tomorrows appt (7:30am) that there are some GREAT follies and the my lining looks GOOD and we are ready to trigger in the next few days. I don't want to take more Repronex and drive for more u/s.

Let's just hope that this works!

Sorry officer...

2008-09-18T22:00:00.001-07:00

So after not sleeping at all Tuesday night (thank you Clomid!) I got out of bed at 6am and went to work. The kids drove me crazy as usual and then it was time to leave. I drove from school-work and went to my student teaching seminar.

I only had 30 minutes to relax and then I had to listen to the Asst. Dean talk for two hours that did nothing but confuse me, because my program is very different than the majority of the class.

Another 30 minutes to "rest" and then my other class. My professor MUST be related to Ben Stien- "Buler?.......Buler?......Buler? So I am FINALLY released from my torture and headed home to my husband- who happen to have the afternoon off.... bummer that I was busy ALL DAY!

So as I round the last corner near my house, the green arrow that I am about to turn on goes from green.... to yellow, to red. Well... I was already though the intersection when it was yellow- I KNOW! I LOOKED!!!

::red and blue lights behind me::- CRAP!!!!!

He pulls me over for running a "red light"....::starting to cry"" FRECKIN CLOMID!!

Him- Do you know that you ran a red light?

Me- No, it was yellow when I entered the intersection and then quickly turned red.

H- It was a solid red.

M- Not really, it changed fast.

H- Have you been drinking?

M- No. ::thinking to myself that I would have LOVED to have been out drinking!

H- Is your licence suspended?

M- No.

H- Are you taking any medications?

M- Yeah, but they are prescriptions

H- What are they? Are you ok to drive while on them?

M- Yeah ::small giggle:: they are just fertility drugs

He runs off to run my licence. I don't think that he did... he didn't get back into the car. So then he comes back, asks me to get out of the car because "my eyes are glazed over"- Uhhh HELLO?!?!?! I'm on fertility drugs, haven't slept in days, I'm stressed out and am about to get another frecking ticket!

(( I got a ticket 4 days before my wedding for going 7mph over the limit, and then another one 3 days later- the day before my wedding for speeding. I WAS... I had to get to the rehearsal. I had my wedding dress on the passenger seat and my veil the cop didn't care))

So I get out and he is having me "follow the finger" and as he is like a foot away from me I meant to say "I will take a breathalyzer" and it came out all ghetto- "I'll BLOW"..... OOPS!!! I mean that I will take the test.... sorry! sorry! sorry!

He laughs... then asks if I'm "ok"... here comes the Clomid again

M- btwahahahahaha....::tears::( I think that it was the fact that a total strainer- and a good looking guy in a uniform at that- was asking if I was OK. I explained that it was the drugs making me cry and that I'm just tired.

Turns out that his wife is a sub for special education and is also getting her masters in special ed like me.

So I don't know if it was that I really didn't do anything wrong, or that he felt sorry for me being on the drugs, or that he felt like he was giving his wife a ticket. But it worked! No ticket!!

That was the first time that has ever worked!!! I always get the ticket- NICE!

Infertiles overcome...

2008-09-16T20:36:00.001-07:00

I found out today that my mentor teacher had her baby boy on Friday at 12:30!!!!! After 2+ years of TTC and undiagnosed they are finally holding their baby!

CONGRATULATIONS to B, B, and B!!!!

I can't wait to meet the little guy!!!

Don't mix~!

2008-09-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

So... today was my first day at work while on Clomid- Not fun!

1st night- slight insomnia
2nd day- hot flashes and bitchy(didn't sleep that night either)
3rd day(today)- hot flashes and bitchy..... let's see where we go with this.

So I TRIED to have patience with my students today.... it's a goo thing that there wasn't another adult in the room because I would have looked like a CRAZY woman!!! Hot flash-crying-hot flash-angry-hot flash- irritated... you get the picture....

Needless to say I had an "episode" in the classroom.... when two of my students were not following directions and playing with an eraser that I had told them to put away.... I walked over and took it away, and threw it across the room. "There ya go! It's out of the way now"..... while it wasn't the worst thing in the world... I should have been more prepared to handle the situation.... goal for tomorrow- more patience!

Great...

2008-09-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

So today I have my first CD3 appt with the dildo-cam (didn't bother me at all) and the CNM looked at my ovaries and uterus. She said that my uterus is shaped normal- Whoot! That I didn't have any cycts- another whoot! And that my lining was very thin- my period is just about over (yeah... I only have like a 3 day period.... sometimes only one real day and then two days of spotting)

I said that my lining being this thin doesn't give me hope for it being think when it needs to be (you know... like the past 14 cycles... and this one coming up) and she said- yeah.

I told her that I worry with the Clomid, I won't have any lining left. She again said "yeah" and said that they would probably change my treatments next cycle, with no Clomid. That's fine... but it already doesn't look great so far for this cycle : (

We can always wait and see what it looks like on my CD12 U/S. She caught me in the hall before I left and said "Today isn't CD3 for you.... you got your period so late in the day that it is considered CD2"....

My first thought- you guys told me how to count the days wrong- They said after noon=CD1... you start before noon=CD zero.... oops.

They I said, well... that makes my lining even thinner then doesn't it? Because it is only CD2 and she said "yeah, it does"

Great... another thing to overcome.... I am just wishing that when we go for the CD12(well... I guess it's CD11 technically...whatever) appt that my lining has cooperated.

False alarm...

2008-09-10T17:45:00.000-07:00

F*Ck~!!

Well... looks like I will be taking all those hormones.... : (

I have to call and get my appt... but I CAN'T have my appt tomorrow... because I haven't left lesson plans for tomorrow for a sub (why not?!?!?! I KNEW that it was a possibility!!! UGH!!!)

I guess that I just thought that because I was late... that I was pregnant.

It looks like I will need to make my plans and send them to a partner-teacher and get my ass... sorry.. my vagina to the RE.

Late...

2008-09-10T15:52:00.001-07:00

...period

Infertile day...

2008-09-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days.... where EVERYTHING baby related makes you cry! UGH!

I was talking to a good friend of mine who is getting married in May (I'm the MOH) and was asking her if I can stay at her house the night before my CD1-3 appt.

She asked how everything is going... and I told the truth! UGH!! NOBODY but another infertile wants to hear this shit! SHUT UP YOU!!! She wanted me to talk about weddings, flowers, dresses and the like.... and here comes the bitter bitch inside that wants to talk about "me".... well.... I DON'T want to talk about me and my situation... the problem is that everyone ASKS.....

STOP ASKING!!! (except Val or other infertiles) I don't want to talk about it!! I have no willpower apparently and can't shut my mouth... so save us both the trouble and just don't ask.

Insurance...

2008-09-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well.... DH and I have some good health insurance (apparently) because they are covering 6 IUIs (and everything that comes with them) and we only pay the $20 co-pay.

I know that most people don't have any coverage and for that we are blessed.

My cousin and his wife are also going through the same experience (and same health insurance too) as we are.... they are further along in the process than we are because they started trying earlier.

We were talking the other day about "what if Kaiser doesn't work out and we can't get pregnant?"... our conclusion- Switch insurances!!

You are supposed to be accepted as long as you have continuous coverage... sounds good.

Right now they are going to pay COBRA to keep their current coverage in place and ride-out the last 3 IUIs... then it's off to another provider! I can't say I blame them... DH and I plan to do the same thing!

If we don't get pregnant my next October (13 months from now- and about 28 months of TTC) we will shop around for another provider that will cover IF treatments and "try again" or possibly do IVF (Kaiser in our area doesn't even do IVF).

We know that we will never "stop trying".... but we can't afford to even think about IVF or OOP procedures right now. So.... there is a plan.... even if its just a backup... I like having it in place.

Razor blades...

2008-09-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

Are (apparently) what 7 year-olds bring to school these days!!

AND.... the "coolest" thing to to is to tell your other students that you "will CUT them!" and "I will kill you"

Uhhhhhhh..... This is SO NOT COOL!

***Giving the latest information- Student was not "forced" to go home for the day, administrators didn't tell me anything, and she was back in my class the next morning (ugh.... so when she actually DOES hurt someone.... this is my proof that I didn't want any of this)***

Catching up...

2008-08-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

So.... I haven't had enough time to think let alone Blog about it. So with the 3 day holiday weekend I have some time on my hands and thought that I would catch up...

We got up at 7am so we could get to the injections class on time. We arrive and there is one other couple already there. We waited for the others to show and DH and I sat there and made some light jokes about the situation.

They gathered us all up and we headed downstairs (in silence). We all sat down and got started. We were the only ones to bring the "required" materials- Our meds, needles, paperwork and an orange. So we waited for another nurse to bring the paperwork down for those "other" people UGH!!

So we learned about the "cycle steps" and when to call and what to do. The nurse "reminded" all the couples that there is no drinking, smoking, or caffeine allowed during a treatment cycle. One of the other girls asked "is that just for the girls?... or the guys too?"

Uh.... they told us MONTHS ago that BOTH people had to be "clean"... the other husbands didn't seem to happy with that information! "It's football season!!" one husband said- LOL!!

So DH and I were the most experienced couples there.... we knew the most about our reproductive health and how to mix and give injections and when to call (did NOBODY else read the information and watch the video like they TOLD us to do?!?!?!)

So I look at my needles... no sub-q needles.... "um.... I don't have any sub-q needles" Nurse " let me see.... that's because Dr, Murray wants you to take your repronex in your arm, in the muscle"..... (nice)

So I pouted that I had to take more shots in the muscle(the HCG trigger is intramuscular) and while I did that the lady that asked if her husband was allowed to drink and smoke had a sheepish grin on her face (bitch)... then the nurse went on to talk about the HCG trigger and informed the biotch that it must be done intramuscular- Ha Ha!!!! You have to suffer too!!!

Then another woman from across the table said "I don't have any sub-q needles either" and I made the connection- weight. She was overweight and so was I, I didn't need to ask... but she did. The nurse skirted around the fact.... "um....size"... she said (and didn't want to)

So... because I'm FAT I have to take all my shots in the muscle because it absorbs better that will all that fat...bleh...

So... then we talked about what to do after the IUI- Wait 5-7 days then have your progesterone tested (pick up the supplements if necessary) then wait till 16 days after the IUI and if you have NOT got your period, you can take a HPT. If there is a + then you continue the progesterone (if necessary) and come in for 3 betas (every-other day) If there isn't a + HPT then you quit your progesterone and wait to start the cycle all over again.

Then we got to the part where the nurse told us NOT to get too excited about the + HPT because "a lot can happen".... We talked about what they will do if that happens and it was all a little much.

The good thing was that the couples in the class were very diverse (2-35+ and 2 less than 35. 2 overweight and 2 average size. One couple had a baby through the RE already and was there for #2- It was nice to know that "it's not just you and it's not your fault)

Then.... everything hit me... we are still NOT PREGNANT and we NEED this help.... UGH.... we were supposed to meet a couple for brunch-canceled. We were supposed to go to a friends BBQ-Canceled on them too. We went home to sleep.

I was so tired after a week of work that when my alarm went off.... I didn't know what day it was... so maybe my feeling down had something to do with needing sleep... but that's all I did that day.

Crazy Weekends.....

2008-08-25T17:37:00.001-07:00

GOD... I LOVE THEM!!!

We had friends over on Friday night.... ended up staying up all night playing the Wii and talking! We played the "in bed" game where you add "in bed" to the end of your fortune cookie.... "pleasure requires company- In bed" LOL!!!!

We had breakfast at IHOP the next morning YUM!!!

Then in the HEAT (105) we decided that we NEEDED a pool- Target $9.... best nine bucks EVER!!!

We filled the pool and put it in the garage- FUN!!! Then when it got cool, we used the hose and got the water out of the water heater (ahhhhh)

Sunday spent the day in another pool (adult size) and celebrated a 1 year old's birthday.

I actually heard DH say to a friend, "maybe this time next year we will be having a baby shower at our house".... his friend said "we all hope so!"

Ahhhhh! <3

I forgot...

2008-08-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

What CD it was today...um.... WOW!!!!

I have not been charting and all and here we are (on what, took a lot of thinking to figure out) is CD11 and I couldn't remember it! (cool)

I guess I have that "just don't think about it" thing going on that all those "fertiles" talk about. If I don't get pregnant this month I am going to send a BIG FAT "I TOLD YOU SO" to those know-it-all bitches (even the ones that I love)

It feels good. It's easy to forget this cycle... because the reality is that next one the RE will be taking over and it's not up to me THANKS DR MURRAY!!!!

Class...

2008-08-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

Injections that is~!~

Went well.... hit me WAY harder emotionally than I thought.

Will report more later (must exercise[more on that later too] then get some sleep- 20 seven year olds take it out of you)

<3

Done...

2008-08-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

I am soooo done with "trying to conceive"... I think that this month we will not chart, temp, take the supplements, time sex and all that stuff.

I will keep my CBEFM running because I only have 5 sticks left and they won't work with the Repronex and Clomid so I might as well use them..

So this month will probably be the month, because I "just relaxed"-GAG!

Well...

2008-08-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

It WASN'T spotting... A few hours later it was my period.

I told you I don't spot.

Spotting...

2008-08-11T17:57:00.000-07:00

Ummmm... in the year that we have been TTC... I have NEVER spotted. I never spot after an exam, after sex, before my period-NEVER!

So... here I am on what I *think* is CD29 and 7DPO (I can't tell with my chart the way it is-I should temp the next few days)...

All I can think is WTF?!?!?!

I don't spot and here I am trying to NOT start my period so I can take my injections class and also trying to plan my pre-med ultrasound because I have to call a sub for the day.... and hello spotting UGH!!

I can only HOPE that it is implantation spotting (there is always hope.... or so I've been told)

TGIF...

2008-08-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

It has been a LONG time since I have felt that way! Even in High School... Fridays were nothing to celebrate with football games that usually ran late and a 6am call time again Saturday mornings.

But.... here I am SCREAMING TGIF!!!

My first week as a student teacher is officially over and I can't wait to sleep, catch up, plan and actually SEE my husband (ahhhh). For the first time in our year of TTC, instead of saying "wanna have sex?" my husband said "we need to breed"..... um... LOL!!! Too funny... because that is how I felt!!! I didn't want to "make love" or "mess around" or "have sex" or "F*ck" even... breeding was the perfect term! LOL!!

On another note... It's CD 18 right now... and I haven't gotten a HIGH yet on the CBEFM.... so that means that O is at least 3 days away.... looks like I won't have to worry about getting into that injections class.... my O is doing all the work for me. ; )

Earthquakes...

2008-07-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

Literally..... there was a 5.4 today, about 20 miles from my work. When you grow up here in California with them... they are more fun than anything (unless they are very serious).

The most interesting thing was I had a classroom full of 7 year-olds who didn't flip out!!! It was the 1st one that they had ever felt and they remained calm and collected... well as collected you can be in the 2nd grade! LOL!!

Cancer...

2008-07-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

Has struck my family again... my paternal grandfather has terminal cancer in his right lung. And while at 92 years old, your life expectancy isn't great.... why cancer?

Couldn't he have died in his sleep instead?!?!?!?

Wasn't it enough to go through when my step-dad died from cancer?

I'm not strong enough to do all of this again... it brings back too many painful memories... I can't

Brangelina...

2008-07-26T21:01:00.001-07:00

Apparently has some speculation about them using IVF to get pregnant with their recently born twins. Good.for.them!

I'm glad that they were upfront and honest with the fact that she needed fertility drugs to ovulate not like some others ::cough-J Lo-cough::

While I don't think that their reps have confirmed or denied the story, I'm still proud that two of the most gorgeous parents in the world are helping to break the myth about fertility drugs and infertility.

Some blogs and info on the topic;

http://weheartangelina.com/2008/01/31/angelina-jolie-underwent-ivf/

Us Weekly
EXCLUSIVE: Actress Angelina Jolie's Twins Conceived Through In Vitro!

Forget Mother Nature – Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands now, that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt turned to fertility treatments to quickly conceive twins Knox and Vivienne.

"They conceived through in vitro fertilization," a well-placed source within their camp tells Us. "They both desperately wanted more babies soon."

The chance of having fraternal twins at Angelina's age (33) naturally is under 1 percent; with in vitro, the chances are 25 percent. Says Dr. Arthur Wisot of L.A.'s Reproductive Medical Group (who did not treat the couple), "We live in an era of reproductive freedom, so anybody can do anything they want within legal limits."

See photos of Angelina Jolie's pregnant with the twins.

The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so "she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant," the source tells Us. "She could just knock it out."

Indeed, Jolie has spoken about her goal to do just that.

"If we're going to have 10 kids, we'd like to raise them while we're young," she told Elle U.K. last year. Brad Pitt turns 45 on December 18.

A source adds: "They were too impatient."

Knox and Vivienne – born in Nice, France on July 12 – join the couple's adopted brood of Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and biological daughter Shiloh, 2.

Bing...

2008-07-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

Bada that is!!!

BadaBing327 (aka Jamie) got her BFP recently and I wanted to say CONGRATUALTIONS!!!!! You deserve it!!!

H&H9 months!!!

Mistake...

2008-07-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

(Not TTTC related)

I feel that I have made a mistake in my career choice.... I don't think that teaching is for me...

I have had the WORST couple days overlapping with my master teacher before she goes on maternity leave (possibly Monday)... trying to do a good job as a teacher is hard enough, without having to worry about it being "her" class.... and "her" students.

I am going to be doing 100% of the work while she is gone; daily teaching, lesson planning, field trips, library, computers, homework, grading, assignments, assessments, placements, recommendations, parent conferences, administrative meetings, walking them to the bus and lunch... there is no end. It's a "real" teaching job, except for the fact that I will only get paid 1/3 of the traditional teacher's pay and that it's my "student teaching"

I have had such bad days trying to do everything "her" way and to make sure that I keep her happy.... the kids are confused as to who to listen to and what to do (so am I... it's tough understanding what to do when you don't have the time to read the materials and are reading someone else's plans.

I wonder if it's too late to change my major.......?

Apparently...

2008-07-17T00:49:00.000-07:00

My DH (and in this instance it means damn husband) feels that I am smothering him and that he feels that he lives in a "half-way" house because he needs to keep his mind off all the things that he can't have; caffeine, alcohol, tobacco... you know- the HARD stuff!

I haven't said anything about him drinking and smoking through the entire year of TTC. The RE says that he can't do those things and he CAN have one serving of caffeine a day and a drink a week (not really anything, but it's something!)

I have a hard time sympathizing with him because all those things he can't have- I can't either! Not to mention that once I DO get pregnant, I STILL can't have... then comes nursing (because in my ideal world I want to breastfeed for as long as possible.... so when all is said and done I think I will have gone on 3 YEARS w/o all those things that "normal" people do.

Yeah buddy... I feel your pain (not)

Ugh...

2008-07-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

There isn't anything really wrong.... except that I am totally bitchy because I am on my period and in cycle #13. I had a very LONG day with 20 seven year-olds, I'm tired (very) because I stay up to see my DH when he gets home, instead of going to bed when I should (how am I EVER going to get my ass knocked up if I never see my husband?!?!? I guess my only chance is when I am Oing on the weekend. NICE)

I'm trying my (fat) ass off to get into an injections class BEFORE I start cycle #14, because otherwise I have to wait for cycle #15 to start Clomid+Repronex+HCG... As it stands right now, if I O on cd18 like the last couple months I am one day, yes... ONE DAY too early. The nurse said that she would make an exception if I start on Aug 14th that when I come in for the class on the 16th they could do my ultrasound. So I am taking B6 and going to use progesterone cream to make my LP just ONE day longer so that I can start on cycle #14... or I can just keep worrying about it enough that I O a few days later.... maybe.....

On a completely different note... I was in AM/PM earlier in the night, and there was a HUGE woman (pregnant and fat) getting herself the worlds BIGGEST SLURPEE! That is so nasty! I haven't had one of those since I was twelve and let me say "thank God!" because they can't be good for you! I know that I am not the best person to talk to about weight and eating healthy, but that was just ridiculous!! It made me so mad! I had my infertility goggles on and seeing a very pregnant woman getting a huge cup of sugar-watter with artificial coloring made me so jealous.

When will it be my turn?

Accident...

2008-07-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

In my car that is :(

I was rear-ended at a stoplight today. DH was driving and MIL was in the front seat. It was so loud that I thought that my entire rear end was gone... We were pushed into the car in front of us and they went into the car in front of them, so four cars total.

I felt bad for the guy that hit us; 18, on his way to work, goes to school full time (reminds me of me) and it was his first accident :( then his parents showed up to check on him and make sure that we were all alright (my mom has done that too)

Now the hassle is getting my front and rear ends fixed; it will be about $3,500 in damage when all is said and done because the front and rear bumpers have holes in them from the screws of the licence plates.

MIL was funny trying to get out of the car after it all happened. She was quite flustered and couldn't figure out how to unlock the door (she can't do that normally) and she was getting more and more upset that she couldn't get out. I couldn't help her being that I was in the back seat... I tried and tried... but when I finally got out she looked out the window and said "I can't get out!" and all I could do was say "I can't get you out either" because DH had taken the keys out of the ignition and I couldn't reach the lock button-Sorry ;(

Surprise!!!!

2008-07-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

Party that is!!!!

I had no idea that it was coming. Yesterday was my birthday and DH threw a GREAT party for me. It was too much fun!!

I did have a moment.... while everyone knows that we are having TTTC... not everyone knows that I filled my Clomid, Repronex and HCG prescriptions... and before we left the house... they were on the counter.... we weren't planning on telling everyone that we will be starting treatments (see post below)... the first thing I thought after "OMG!! It's a party!!" was "where are my prescriptions?"

Couldn't find them.... dug through the trash twice and everything... just found them in a cabinet on the bottom shelf... because NOBODY could remember where they went.

That would have been an uncomfortable call to the RE!

Listen

2008-07-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

Listen!!!

I know that it didn't take you that long to get pregnant...

And I know that I have been trying for or five times longer than you ever did...

I also know that you "just had sex" and didn't even know when your "good timing" was...

I know that you are worried that the fertility drugs will cause my husband and I to end up like John and Kate + 8 (who I love by the way)

But.... you have to respect my decision and support me, you don't have to agree with it... After all... you know more than my fertility doctor... but please... If you can't love my husband and I enough to respect that this is what we need to do to get pregnant, then we can no longer be friends.

I guess all those times I stood by and watched you make what I thought were very bad decisions, and said nothing, because I love you and want you to be happy... were in vain.

I hate to have a friendship come to an end over something that seems so trivial... but it's not. This is very important, if you can not support my decisions as I have supported yours; we're done.

This is our life and our decisions, and infertility is hard enough to deal with. I can't carry any more weight, I just can't... something has to go... so you are either with me or against me on this. (I'm hoping that you are with me... because life would be sad without you)

Unexplained...

2008-07-09T21:46:00.001-07:00

Explains it all when it comes to our infertility... While I'm not excited that we have no real explanation for why we are not pregnant yet, I'm glad to know that couples with "unexplained" infertility have the highest pregnancy rates.

HSG-Perfect
SA-Normal
BW-Good for both of us. My thyroid was fine but she said that she wants to monitor it more closely than my PCP because she has thyroid problems and knows how they can change and effect fertility, but my last 4 levels have all been stable and normal.
Physical exam- Good... there was no blood in either (use your imagination....yuck)

We were given the options to move right to IUI or try Clomid+Repronex+Trigger&TI and we chose the timed intercourse. I thought that when we finally got to this point that I would have been ready to jump into an IUI but, it just didn't feel right.

The RE was so nice and seemed so confident that we would get pregnant (possibly on our own before we start the Clomid)

I have to wait for August 19th(unless there is an earlier slot due to a cancelation) for my injections class.

I asked about just Clomid ans she says that the Repronex helps keep the thick uterine lining when taking it with Clomid-Cool.

So it looks like the earliest that we will begin treatments, based on my cycle history is the middle of September... We may change our minds about trying an IUI between now and then... but I doubt it.

I also thought that if we had been given an "unexplained" DX that we would continue to try on our own... but with DH's feet still hurting from the arthritis, the sooner we can get knocked up, the sooner he can resume his Enbral. I told him that his feet are more important, but he refuses to listen to me (not a shocker! LOL!! The men in his family are all like that-stubborn as a donkey!) and he won't take them because it will lessen our chances and we are still worried about birth defects.

Whew...

2008-07-07T19:05:00.000-07:00

Well.... I never really believe those people who say that they "have been just, so busy!"... but here I am... one of them! LOL!!

I haven't even been able to Nest these past few weeks!! Bummer!!! :( I guess I will have to catch up when I get a chance, I just hope that the next few weeks slow down a little bit

Friday, June 27th-Took my little sisters to Chuck E Cheese's and they spent the night before we go back to school
Saturday- Carted the girls all over town to run errands and do crafts
Sunday- Baby shower (stayed till about 9:30pm... having fun) then went to the in law's house to replace a light and tend to the front yard for the big 4th party
Wednesday, July 2nd-Inservice all day at work/School, went to a friend's house for dinner
Thursday- Set up my classroom and got all the stuff ready for the 1st day of school, pre-4th BBQ at my cousins house
Friday- Happy 4th of July!!!
Saturday- Poker party and the UFC fight, pick up my anniversary cake top
Sunday- Celebrated our 1st Anniversary!
Monday, July 7th- 1st day of school and our actual Anniversary
Tuesday- Presentation, paper and final exam for my Masters class
Wednesday- RE appointment
Thursday- Back to school night
Friday, July 11th- My 25th birthday.... I don't think that I will do anything except sleep! LOL!!

Anniversary...

2008-07-07T19:04:00.001-07:00

Today is our 1 year Anniversary!!! Wheeee!~!

We went to the Melting Pot last night for dinner and ate way too much food! YUM!!

I still can't believe that it's been a year already!

Pineapple...

2008-07-05T02:07:00.000-07:00

SUCKS!!!

I hate it... have always hated it... but I'm gonna give it a try.

I'm 2DPO and wishing that this cycle works so that we can skip this whole "needing fertility treatments" thing and just get pregnant already.

On the bright side... today at the 4th of July celebration I was sooo happy to not be huge pregnant because I would have died of that heat!