Finally...

There are some times during TTC and pregnancy when you can use "finally" to describe your situation;

When NOT to use:

I stopped BCP in November and FINALLY got PG in February~!

I FINALLY ovulated on CD 16~!

My period Finally came on CD40~!

I gave birth at 40 weeks-FINALLY~!

After 8 hours of labor the baby FINALLY came out~!

FINALLY, I got my 1st u/s at 8 weeks~!

We FINALLY know the sex of our baby~!

After 3 months TTC I got discouraged, but we FINALLY got our BFP on cycle 4~!


When the use of FINALLY is appropriate:

We FINALLY got our BFP after 24 months of TTC~!

We got our 1st RE appointment-FINALLY, 6 weeks later~!

We FINALLY got PG on IVF#2~!

I FINALLY ovulated on CD25~!

My HCG has FINALLY reached 0~!

After months of testing we FINALLY got the results~!

I FINALLY got my insurance to cover my meds~!

After 2 m/c the DRs FINALLY know what's wrong~!

I know that you think that you have been waiting/trying/suffering/struggling/worrying for what you think has been a long time..... ask around and compaire, you haven't been at it that long.

Us...

In my experience on the boards I have met some great friends; many like me.

Below is the list of the Nesties from our TTC6+ board and their current fertility status. After an accusation from a nestie suggesting that all the women on the TTC 6+ are exadurating their inability to get pregnant.

Miss.Modular " I scanned through some sigs and most were on cycles way less than a year, so whateve!" and " I think many people have very real struggles, but i also think many (NOT EVERYONE ON HERE or ttc6 ) also freak out needlessly and go nuts if they aren't pregnant by 6 months--with no real medical issue. people post this shlt all the time"

You can't make or prove a point and be effective without data, so here it is;

AlpacaBunny – TTC since 5/07, Dx = MFI & Hypothyroid, m/c 5/08
Ams8099 – TTC #1 since 3/07 w/ MFI
annie11.08 - TTC #1 since 9/07, Dx= PCOS
arb212 – TTC #1 since 8/07, high FSH/Premature Ovarian Failure
Baby4OT – TTC #2 since 8/07, Inverted uterus
becca2325 - TTC #1 since 7/07
buenaestrella77 – TTC #1, m/c, no Dx Yet
BurkeJax – TTC #1 since 10/07, 2WW from IUI #1
Chrysallys – TTC #1 since 4/07, Dx = MFI/Dysynchronous Endometrium
Engaged_inTO - TTC #1 since 5/07, Unexplained IF
HazelEyes730 – TTC #1, Dx = Endo/Blocked Tubes, lap in June
HikerBride07 - TTC #1 since 9/07, no Dx yet, HSG on 6/2
his4evr04 - TTC #1 since 6/06, Unexplained IF, new RE appt 7/2
JackiTiger - TTC #1 since 7/07, Dx = PCOS
janelleybean – TTC #1 since 9/07
Jen&Andy06 – TTC #1 since 3/07, Dx = MFI & Endo (stage II)
Jennifer*L*923 – TTC #1 since 5/07, Dx = Endo/Hydrosalpinx
JustBoo - TTC #1 since 12/06, crazy cycles, no Dx yet
Koyn – TTC #1 since1/07
Lelly - TTC #1 since 4/07, Dx = MFI
lenloe – TTC #1 since 8/07 – B/w = normal, SA = too much semen
lrngAUS – TTC #1 since 10/07, m/c 3/08
manatee21 – TTC #1 since 5/07, appt 6/4 for next steps
mandybr – TTC #1 since 10/06, Unexplained IF
MarcyIam - TTC #1, Dx = MFI, IVF #1 starting 5/31
Matsifloxacin – TTC #1 since 10/07
Mb~zf – TTC #1 since 12/07, uterus issues
Mnkari – TTC since 4/07, cp & m/c
mmariluh - TTC #1 since 2/05
moh06MA - TTC #1 since 6/07, Dx = Endo & polyp
MrsMayT – Dx = Endo/Liquification problem(SA)
MrsO1111 – No Dx Yet, appt. 6/23
Mrs White – TTC since 3/07, Dx = Endo, PCOS, MFI
Nikki1007 – TTC since 10/07
osuraj - TTC since 6/07, Dx = ovulatory dysfunction, m/c 4/08
pmarie33 – TTC #1 since 6/07
Sharra711 – TTC #1 since 7/07, IF Testing/TTA 3 cycles
smilelari - TTC #1 since 1/07, Dx = MFI & PCOS
smittyshoney - TTC #1 since 8/07, no Dx, B/w & U/s this cycle
staycee - TTC #1 since 3/07
StaceyB930 - TTC #1 since 7/07, No Dx yet
Stacy-09/23/-06 - TTC #1 since 1/07, Dx = MFI
t.bird - TTC #1, Dx = Blocked tubes & MFI

June Gloom...

Has gotten the best of me today... I just came back from a graduation party for a friend of mine and I'm just exhausted.

I shouldn't be tired... I got more than enough sleep... but I am.

There was a couple at the party who got PG accidentally, then got married and had their perfect 5 month old son there... I can't believe how happy they are and in such a great place in their life.

I want to be them.

I came home and have let the "I'm missing a baby" part of my heart take over and it has overwhelmed me with sadness. I just want to cry.

There really wasn't anything overtly today that is making me feel this way, but I do.

I guess it's the fact that we are in out 11th cycle TTC and a month away from our 1st wedding anniversary and we are still not pregnant yet. I knew that we would have trouble getting pregnant, but while the reality is setting in, it's starting to hurt.

I can't wait till this month is over.

Thank you Sex...

And the City for furthering the myth that "If you just stop thinking about trying to get pregnant" or "adopt" that you will miraculously pop up a baby bump.

While I LOVED the show on HBO... I have to give the big middle finger and a VERY loud FUCK YOU to the writers on that one!

Do a little research on the topic here... c'mon people!! While entertainment these days seems to think that IF is a great story line... their accuracy is appalling!!

Makes me think back to Chandler and Monica on Friends.... they had the same DX that Trey and Charlotte had (they never said anything about Harry).... "lazy boys and an inhospitable uterus".... FINE!!! While I understand that the show is for comic effect with a hint of drama/reality.... I still like the way that friends did it BETTER!!!

Chandler said that they could keep trying, but that there was a very good chance that it would never happen for them and they should look to adopt. I may be giving the writers too much credit here (because the show ended the episode they got their babies)... they could have still fumbled the IF ball....

I have to CRINGE when I see things like the Sex and the City movie, a highly anticipated and watched movie, give the impression that infertility is solely the cause of the woman thinking about getting pregnant too much. That it was all her fault because she wanted it too bad... or that she stressed herself out over it so much...

The next thing you know they are going to be telling people to take a vacation.... OH! WAIT... they already do that!

Paraplegic...

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile? (author unknown)



1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!

2. You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!

3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.

4. I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.

5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.

6. Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.

7. So... when are *you* going to start walking?

8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!

9. But don't you *want* to walk?

10. You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.

11. You're so lucky... think of the money you save on shoes.

12. I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.

13. I hope you don't try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.

14. Look at those people hiking... doesn't that make you want to hike?

15. Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.

16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.

17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.

18. I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.

19. You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.

20. Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.

21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.

22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!

23. You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!

24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.

25. Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!

26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!

27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running...



So here's a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she's trying to get pregnant and it's taking longer than expected, DON'T tell her to just relax. Don't tell her to adopt and then surely she'll get pregnant with her own child. Don't tell her that God has a plan for her. Don't say, "At least it's fun trying!" Scheduling sex with the person you love isn't fun...Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn't work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.



DO tell her that you're sorry she's going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you're glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don't bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you're there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.



And DON'T feel that because she told you that it's okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever - unless she tells you that it's okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity.



This may all sound strange, or like second nature to some of you... You can laugh, but we have heard it all. (Thanks BadaBing!!)

Bitter Sweet...

Oh... everyone on my boards is PG!! WTF?!?!



Did the stork fly by and miss my house?!?!? Did Santa say that I had bad cookies or something?!?! Was the tooth-fairy mad about that cavity when I was seven?!?!?



Why oh why... must I be so jealous of others getting pregnant.... oh yeah... it's because I'm not.

While I am so very happy that my fellow nesties are living their dream and are pregnant, I feel once again that they are winning while I'm not even in the race.

Well... if I'm not getting pregnant, at least someone who has worked so hard and deserves it so much is. Congratulations.

God...

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: just relax and you’ll get pregnant, or adopt and you’ll get pregnant, of the most painful from those who think they’ve got the goods on God’s plan; maybe God never meant for you to have children. The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say “Maybe God never meant for you to live.” However, because I am infertile, I’m supposed to get on with my life? It’s hard to understand that people cannot see infertility for what it is; a disease for which I have to seek treatment.What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, “Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die.” What if he’d never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God’s plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That’s not my destiny; that’s just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled. I’ve gained more compassion, deeper courage, greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven’t let him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known.

While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice; I’ll say “Don’t tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know.”
(Thanks MrsMeyer9206!)