Again...

We have hit another roadblock in our TTC journey... My DH has been having some very severe foot pain in the past three weeks. His feet are feeling like the bones are fusing together, they are swollen, and he can't move his toes and walking is extremely pain full.

His first DR said that he had Metasaralga (pain of the metasargal region of the foot) and gave him Motrin and told him to elevate, ice and rest them. A week later he saw an Osteo DR who took X-rays to see if he has anything broken (Nada) and he thought that he may have rhumatoid arthritis. He ran blood tests, and they just came back saying that there was inflammation (duh!) But, he gave him Hydrocodone for the pain, Ceflexin antibiotics and Prednizone steroids to see if that would help. It seemed that the swelling was actually getting worse.

Today we saw the Rhumatologist (someone who studies 'rhumes' according to DH, LOL!) She asked a million questions and she has come to the conclusion that he has Inflamitory Arthritis (pain due to inflammation). She said that this is caused my some minor infection in the body (possible one that he didn't even know about) and it caused his immune system to head into overdrive and trying to remove the infection. The immune system is causing the inflamation to remove the now, nonexistent infection and wreaking havoc on his feet.

While having my husband in pain for the past three weeks has been difficult, the treatment options are not fun either. I want him to get better because right now, he has to stay home from work and can't do much (your feet are kinda vital). I want life to go back to normal and get back to making a baby!

One treatment option can take 6-8 weeks to work, and has huge side effects including lowering sperm motility, the DR doesn't want to do that, besides the fact that we are TTC. The second option is another slow-acting treatment that he could take, but that means that we have to TTA until at least three months after he has finished taking the prescription because it causes birth defects(not good either). The third treatment option (the one the DR is pushing) is injections once a week.... great.... my husband is deathly afraid of needles and he has to stick himself one ca week....ugh...

I have put a call in to the RE, asking about all the drugs that he has been, and will be on. I want to know what she has to say as far as TTC and all these variables. I have to get my HSG this next cycle (in about 2 weeks) and DH has his SA on the same day (just about 2 months after starting his MFI vitamins). I need to know if continuing with testing is a good idea. If we have to TTA for months on end... I would like to know that before I get my uterus filled with die, and subject my husband to 'the cup'...

I am also terrified that his feet will never get better... I promised ' for better, or worse, in sickness and in health' but I worry that my children won't get to experience their father the way I want them to... He won't be able to carry the baby upstairs, or run along their bikes after taking off the training wheels, or going to Disneyland... because his feet hurt so bad.

Most of all I am sooooo MAD!!! I'm mad that a year into our marriage we are having such bad things happening!! We can't seem to get pregnant and while I have time, I'm still impatient. I'm mad that at 31 my husband may be resigned to a wheelchair because of the pain. I'm mad that people keep telling me that "It's GOD's plan"... because I'm not pregnant... because he knew that he was going to give my husband debilitating pain?!?! I'm mad that there is no 'right' answer in all of this... I'm mad that our lives have stoped... we don't know where to go.