Thank you Sex...

And the City for furthering the myth that "If you just stop thinking about trying to get pregnant" or "adopt" that you will miraculously pop up a baby bump.

While I LOVED the show on HBO... I have to give the big middle finger and a VERY loud FUCK YOU to the writers on that one!

Do a little research on the topic here... c'mon people!! While entertainment these days seems to think that IF is a great story line... their accuracy is appalling!!

Makes me think back to Chandler and Monica on Friends.... they had the same DX that Trey and Charlotte had (they never said anything about Harry).... "lazy boys and an inhospitable uterus".... FINE!!! While I understand that the show is for comic effect with a hint of drama/reality.... I still like the way that friends did it BETTER!!!

Chandler said that they could keep trying, but that there was a very good chance that it would never happen for them and they should look to adopt. I may be giving the writers too much credit here (because the show ended the episode they got their babies)... they could have still fumbled the IF ball....

I have to CRINGE when I see things like the Sex and the City movie, a highly anticipated and watched movie, give the impression that infertility is solely the cause of the woman thinking about getting pregnant too much. That it was all her fault because she wanted it too bad... or that she stressed herself out over it so much...

The next thing you know they are going to be telling people to take a vacation.... OH! WAIT... they already do that!

Paraplegic...

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile? (author unknown)



1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!

2. You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!

3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.

4. I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.

5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.

6. Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.

7. So... when are *you* going to start walking?

8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!

9. But don't you *want* to walk?

10. You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.

11. You're so lucky... think of the money you save on shoes.

12. I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.

13. I hope you don't try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.

14. Look at those people hiking... doesn't that make you want to hike?

15. Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.

16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.

17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.

18. I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.

19. You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.

20. Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.

21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.

22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!

23. You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!

24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.

25. Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!

26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!

27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running...



So here's a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she's trying to get pregnant and it's taking longer than expected, DON'T tell her to just relax. Don't tell her to adopt and then surely she'll get pregnant with her own child. Don't tell her that God has a plan for her. Don't say, "At least it's fun trying!" Scheduling sex with the person you love isn't fun...Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn't work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.



DO tell her that you're sorry she's going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you're glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don't bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you're there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.



And DON'T feel that because she told you that it's okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever - unless she tells you that it's okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity.



This may all sound strange, or like second nature to some of you... You can laugh, but we have heard it all. (Thanks BadaBing!!)

Bitter Sweet...

Oh... everyone on my boards is PG!! WTF?!?!



Did the stork fly by and miss my house?!?!? Did Santa say that I had bad cookies or something?!?! Was the tooth-fairy mad about that cavity when I was seven?!?!?



Why oh why... must I be so jealous of others getting pregnant.... oh yeah... it's because I'm not.

While I am so very happy that my fellow nesties are living their dream and are pregnant, I feel once again that they are winning while I'm not even in the race.

Well... if I'm not getting pregnant, at least someone who has worked so hard and deserves it so much is. Congratulations.

God...

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: just relax and you’ll get pregnant, or adopt and you’ll get pregnant, of the most painful from those who think they’ve got the goods on God’s plan; maybe God never meant for you to have children. The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say “Maybe God never meant for you to live.” However, because I am infertile, I’m supposed to get on with my life? It’s hard to understand that people cannot see infertility for what it is; a disease for which I have to seek treatment.What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, “Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die.” What if he’d never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God’s plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That’s not my destiny; that’s just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled. I’ve gained more compassion, deeper courage, greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven’t let him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known.

While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice; I’ll say “Don’t tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know.”
(Thanks MrsMeyer9206!)

Some good news...

Well... I *think* that there may be some good news for my DH, me and our TTC plans!!!

It looks like my DH's feet are responding to the treatment that he is taking!!! They are less swollen and are just sore instead of painful!! This is all very good news because he has only been on the antiinflammatory for 5 days and has only taken one shot of the Enbral!!!

WHEEEEE!!!

I hope that after a few more shots the feet are back to normal and we can get back to TTC and our IF testing soon!!

Even if he only completes one month of the stuff... we will still be TTA this month, and then possible 2 more (3 total for this reason-6 total for other reasons).

While being in the middle of this sucks.... the future is looking up!!

Roadblock...

After careful consideration of my DH's treatment, we have made the decision to TTA until the medicine that he is taking is our of his system. Enbral lowers count and motility and is similar to Methotrexate, so we will not be TTCing because.... it's pointless. In addition we will TTA until all the drugs are out of his system (21 days for the Enbral) and then the additional 70 days or so... just to be safe. That's about 90 days/3 months after his last injection... and at this point who knows when that will be. Right now he is on one month of treatment, it may be longer.

None of the DRs we talked to could tell us anything about published studies on birth defects caused by the drug (it's only been on the market for 10 years now). Because it is like other drugs that are known to cause birth defects DH and I are not willing to take that risk.\

Depending on treatment length and success, we may need to re-evaluate our TTC plans... but as it stands now, September will be our 1st healthy and best choice to TTC again...

Did I say July?!?!....September... here I come!!

Again...

We have hit another roadblock in our TTC journey... My DH has been having some very severe foot pain in the past three weeks. His feet are feeling like the bones are fusing together, they are swollen, and he can't move his toes and walking is extremely pain full.

His first DR said that he had Metasaralga (pain of the metasargal region of the foot) and gave him Motrin and told him to elevate, ice and rest them. A week later he saw an Osteo DR who took X-rays to see if he has anything broken (Nada) and he thought that he may have rhumatoid arthritis. He ran blood tests, and they just came back saying that there was inflammation (duh!) But, he gave him Hydrocodone for the pain, Ceflexin antibiotics and Prednizone steroids to see if that would help. It seemed that the swelling was actually getting worse.

Today we saw the Rhumatologist (someone who studies 'rhumes' according to DH, LOL!) She asked a million questions and she has come to the conclusion that he has Inflamitory Arthritis (pain due to inflammation). She said that this is caused my some minor infection in the body (possible one that he didn't even know about) and it caused his immune system to head into overdrive and trying to remove the infection. The immune system is causing the inflamation to remove the now, nonexistent infection and wreaking havoc on his feet.

While having my husband in pain for the past three weeks has been difficult, the treatment options are not fun either. I want him to get better because right now, he has to stay home from work and can't do much (your feet are kinda vital). I want life to go back to normal and get back to making a baby!

One treatment option can take 6-8 weeks to work, and has huge side effects including lowering sperm motility, the DR doesn't want to do that, besides the fact that we are TTC. The second option is another slow-acting treatment that he could take, but that means that we have to TTA until at least three months after he has finished taking the prescription because it causes birth defects(not good either). The third treatment option (the one the DR is pushing) is injections once a week.... great.... my husband is deathly afraid of needles and he has to stick himself one ca week....ugh...

I have put a call in to the RE, asking about all the drugs that he has been, and will be on. I want to know what she has to say as far as TTC and all these variables. I have to get my HSG this next cycle (in about 2 weeks) and DH has his SA on the same day (just about 2 months after starting his MFI vitamins). I need to know if continuing with testing is a good idea. If we have to TTA for months on end... I would like to know that before I get my uterus filled with die, and subject my husband to 'the cup'...

I am also terrified that his feet will never get better... I promised ' for better, or worse, in sickness and in health' but I worry that my children won't get to experience their father the way I want them to... He won't be able to carry the baby upstairs, or run along their bikes after taking off the training wheels, or going to Disneyland... because his feet hurt so bad.

Most of all I am sooooo MAD!!! I'm mad that a year into our marriage we are having such bad things happening!! We can't seem to get pregnant and while I have time, I'm still impatient. I'm mad that at 31 my husband may be resigned to a wheelchair because of the pain. I'm mad that people keep telling me that "It's GOD's plan"... because I'm not pregnant... because he knew that he was going to give my husband debilitating pain?!?! I'm mad that there is no 'right' answer in all of this... I'm mad that our lives have stoped... we don't know where to go.