Progesterone...

Well... leave it to my DH (GOD! I love him!!) to ask;

"Well, can't you call the RE and get the progesterone NOW instead of waiting till next treatment cycle?"

I guess so!

I called and go the prescription and have started using them-YUCK!

But, hey... if it works... I'll do it!

I have regained some hope for this cycle now that I'm on the suppositories! 16DPIUI... here I come!!!

Loosing hope...

About this cycle that is. The flu was that 24hr one that went around and I feel better now.

But I got my progesterone results (7DPIUI) and it was 6..... fucking 6!!!

Last cycle it was at 24, what happened?

I have no hope for this cycle working (again) and it looks like the next time we do a treatment cycle I will need to be on vaginal suppositories. Sexy.

Frecking kids...

Got me sick!!!

I woke up this morning with the flu! UGH!!!

Nausea and stomach aches.... fun!

I opened my big fat mouth too soon saying that I missed them!

Work...

I went back to work today after having a month off... I couldn't believe how much I missed my kids!!!!

Even though they are the biggest handful EVER... I was so excited to see them!!!

I'm tired as hell, and still need to work out, shower and lesson plan, but it feels good to be back at work (and getting paid!!)

The only thing that worries me is, right now (and forever when I have a job) DH and I will be on completely opposite work schedules. I'm worried that the months that we take off from treatment (if this cycle doesn't work) we will have no chance at getting pregnant... unless I O on the weekend.

SHE'S PREGNANT?!?!?!?!?

So... We know this couple... the first time we met them was about a year ago at a party, where he got drunk and she threw her wedding ring in a parking lot (and never found it!). Then they got into it again at another party we were both at. They are close with another couple we know, so we hear about their crazy lives (I love hearing, insetad of living it)

So... we hear about their lives second hand through the other couple... but if I have everything straight... in their relationship exists; jealousy, instability, substance abuse, one kid from a previous marriage, and one together, a roomate to help pay the rent, a mother to buy them their groceries, a govermnent to provide assistance, and general stupidity.

And she announces that they are having another baby.

Not.Fair.Period.

Better...

IUI #2 went great!!!

We had a 90% Motility and 17 million!!!!

WHOOT WHOOT!!

The IUI was still a little not fun... but nothing like it was last cycle! YEAH!!!

I had some serious O pains on the left before the appointment and the rest of the day.

After the hormones, the cramping, the bloating, the O pains... I was not feeling that great. So after the IUI DH went to work and I drove home and did homework.

All is better now!!! I just have to wait........

My hopes are very high this month... possible even more than last cycle because my lining was at 10 and we had 17 million swimmers with 90% motility! Oh yeah baby!!!

Abortions...

Apparently, according to many women, being on The Pill or hormonal birth control is the same as an abortion.

WTF?!?!

Because the pill thins the uterine lining to make it difficult/impossible, *if* you did manage to get a sperm up the extremely thick cervical fluid to the egg that *may* be there and they *did* meet... there would be no place for the *baby* to implant.

Uhhhh...no. But whatever... moving on.

Self doubt...

Right now I am seriously doubting my desire to have a baby, or be a mother at all. I think that it's weird that I would feel this way after all the TTTC we have been through(and are still going through) but I am.

Honest.

I wonder if I will be able... willing... to give up everything. I don't consider myself an overly selfish person (just the normal amount) but I am wondering if I will be able to do it.

I watched my godchildren today (boy 4, girl 1) and it got me thinking.

Am I really ready for this? Will I ever be ready for this? Is this what I really want?

Feeling hurt...

I happened to click on a link in a signature on our local board and came across the "Baby Bio"

http://tinyurl.com/6gp4ul

It made me cry... I can't believe all the pregnant women there as well as all the moms. It hurts.

I should be on there! I have tried so hard and for a long time and still am not pregnant. Not to mention that most of those pregnancies were conceived while I was TTC. There is hope, because two of them are fellow TTTCers... I'm still standing here...waiting.

(Ladies if you see this- It has NOTHING to do with you or something that you did, it's just sad for me that I am still not included on either of those lists yet).

They all joke about drinking the water and catching it, I must have been immunised against pregnancy when I was a teen or something.


********UPDATE********
OMG!!!! After this blog entry there was another post on the local board, a NEW woman looking for a place to take her IRISH TWINS....UGH!!! WTF?!?!?!? Great.... so I can't seem to get pregnant to save my life an here comes another reminder that others do it so well....two in less than a year

::hand-head::

Changes...

I had my pre-med U/S and there were no cysts and they changed my meds. I was taking Clomid CD3-7 and 150IUs of Repronex on CD9.

I am now taking all Repronex CD3-7 for right now. I have another appointment on Monday to check the follies (I doubt that I will be ready to trigger... so that looks like I will be coming back...AGAIN....)UGH!! That's a LONG drive at 5:30 in the morning!

I'm glad that I am off work to get these appointments... I HATE calling a sub!

Round two...

So my period came %#*$!!!

I spent yesterday crying and feeling sorry for myself my friend Jack helped...(Daniels)

I had a friend over and we listened to the Wicked soundtrack and cleaned out my office(something I have been putting off... it's nice to have friends you can torture)

We were up till like 3am drinking(don't tell my RE!)

I have made my pre-med U/S on Wed @7am(UGH!) I got more suppliments and baby asprin, I'm going to take them and make sure that they are all OK to take with the other meds, and ready to get going!!

I will be starting acupuncture this cycle (don't know if I will keep it up durring our break[Nov&Dec-possibly Jan] but for this cycle I will).

"Don't wish... don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart"-Wicked

White spaces...

They are good-right?

White walls.... white shirt...white canvas....

Not so cool when they are on your HPT where that 2nd line should be.

BFN.

Boo....

Still crampy... now I have heartburn(from cleaning the baseboards and putting my head below my belly-but still)

I'm not a happy camper in this 2ww!

So I was reading Sweetpea's blog and read that she tested at 10DPO at night (like me right now)... so I tested. BFN.

I guess that I'm glad that it's out of my system... I won't test again till Monday morning.

%*@&!!!!!

Tough...

I can't believe how hard these last few days have been.... I have never felt this way during a cycle... but my hope for this one is just so high~!

I just don't know if I can wait to test... and I don't know what I will do if it's negative. I'm sure I will get up and keep trying, but my heart is in this cycle more than any other.

I don't know what the Clomid and Repronex will do to my LP-it's normally 12 days. So I can't test till 13DPO because I'm sure, that it will be at least 12 days, and I know that it will be an accurate result on the FRER ( I always hate the rationalizations "it's just too early".... you know)

Stay tuned to hear more crazy ramblings, Monday morning- 3 days

Crampy...

Welcome October!!!

I feel yucky!!! The day of the IUI my uterus hurt all day... and then the couple days that we actually did attempt sex... my uterus hurt-like hell!!! Nobody tells you that it will hurt!

So yesterday...I started to get crampy... towards the end of the day... and it hasn't gone away : (

While I'm not excited about the crampy... maybe this is a good sign?!?!? I NEVER get this way... but I don't know if it's from the IUI or that I may be pregnant...

I have to say... that getting a progesterone test of 24.5 today, and the cramps, and DH's grandpa, and another nestie getting a BFP today... they all have my hopes WAY up : )